Fun Stuff

Fun Names

* Barb Wire, * Pete Moss, * Warren Peace, * Tom Ato, * Jack O. Lantern, * Tom O. Hawk, * Dan D. Lion, * Bill Paier, * Ginger Ale, * Bob Kats, * Natalie Dressed, * Jay L. Byrd, * Tim Bucktoo, * Lolly Pop, * Lilly White, * Lee Ward, * Lee Way, * Dan Dee, * Ray Dio, * Kelly Green, * Terry Cloth, * Rich Man, * Rick Shaw, * Jack Hammer, * Neil Down, * Don Juan, * Dinah Mite,

*Kris Kringle, *Ian Izer, *Rod Mann, *Cy Anide, *Tim Panny, *Lee Murr, *Lee Zhure, *Lee Gume, *Lee Gion, *Lee Gendd, *Lee Gall, *Lee Cheeh, *Lee Shun, *Lee Senn, *Lee S Bian, *Dee Lusion, *Dee Ceet, *Deb U. Tant, *Deb Ausch, *Deb O. Nair, *Deb Reif, *Dee Cay, *Dee Ceased, *Dee Ceive, *Dee C. Ember, *Dee Cern, *Dee Cide, *Dee Kline, *Dee Kode, *Dee Kolor, *Dee Kore, *Dee Koie, *Dee Kreas, *Dee Kree, *Dee Dukt, *Bill A. Bale, *Bee Jou, *Bill G. Water, *Bill Board, *Bill Ette, *Bill Yards, *Bill Ying, *Bill O. Sale, *Bill Yahn, *Cy Klone, * Cy Klick, Cy Kyl, *Cy Ann, *Cy K. List, *Cy M. Ball, *Cy Moid, *Cy N. Ikle, *Cy Pher, *Cy Press

Recently a source at the patent department has revealed that microsoft has obtained ownership of ones and zeros. Microsoft has neither confirmed nor denied this report.
The unidentified source at the patent department said the when microsoft has finalized all of the legal aspects of their rights to these numbers all software users will have to pay a surcharge for the use of microsofts property. The surcharge, the source tells us, will amount to a fee though small each time a one or zero is processed by the computer. The surcharge will be automatically billed to the end users credit card and will be totalled by special software embedded in all microsoft compliant software.
Our source also told us that a normal users fee for say a game of solitaire will be in the neighborhood of $25.00. The larger the program and the longer it is used will determine the amount billed to the end user.
Microsoft also is reportedly negotiating with the government to waive the surcharge for all the ones and zeros on all our currency. Speculation is that the fee will be deferred if the government drops the justice departments action against microsoft.


Unnamed sources inside the Monica Lewinski matter said that Monica has testified that Mr. Clinton told her when he first approached her
"How would you like to be the first woman to go down on history?"

From Harold in Columbus, O.
Mr. Lear, of Lear jet fame, named his daughter Chanda,
All first and last names separately verified in phone book...
* Kitty Katz......(after she and Bob got married, maiden name Katt), * Kay Nine, * Sandy Shorts.....likes the beach, or maybe not, * Sunny Day.......and she screwed everything up by marrying Mr. Knight, * Tony Tiger, * Chris Mass, * Clyde S. Dale, * Lisa Karr.....(after she married Rusty), * Jay Walker, * Ruth Less.....Lawyer, * Clark Bar, * Olive Pitts, * Rick O'Shea, * Urban Blight, * Fanny Spanks....(I was hoping for Spanker, but no luck), * Eileen Dover, * Amanda Lynn Player, * Cliff Edge.......Mountain climber, * Dewey Grass........Golf course greens keeper, * Doug A. Hole......Construction worker.....or cemetery, * Drew A. Walk.........Baseball player of course, * Emerald Stone, * Emery Board......Manicurist, * Flint Striker, * Price Check, * Ray O. Light, * Skip A. Stone, * Star Bright.........Of course she met and married Ray a couple names up.

* Allen Wrensch.....Mechanic, * Kamel Humpe, * Tesfahunegn Abdelmaksoud.....This isn't a clever, saying, I just like saying Tesfahunegn Abdelmaksoud, * Attila T. Hunn, * Weldon Stake.......Chef, * Dawn L. Duck, * Jerman Shepard.......Dog Trainer, * Yasir Noser.....make up your mind soldier!, * Ivan A. Rase, * Bobby Sockman, * Cliff Hanger......Author, * Colin Blocker........Cheese Maker, * Darron Abbett.....Tries anything for money, * Kandy Corn, * Owen Money, * Sunny Day, * Weldon Steel, * Ronnie Nose, * Lowell Bridge, * Rocky Roads

Earl E. Bird, *Morton Salt, *Deepa Doody, *Avon Callen, *Russ T. Nail, *Clay Pot, *Guy Wire, *Sherman Tanks, *Rose Bush, *Green Thum, *Gus T. Wind, *Ted D. Bear, *Red Rash, *Rob A. Bank, *Cheque Mate


A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer and a corporation are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything they want to measure it, and have all the time they need.

The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by 2 times Pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by Pi again, and multiplies by four-thirds to find the volume.

The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.000000 gallon of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures.

The engineer writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.

The corporation names a steering committee with the assignment of assembling several focus groups to determine which departments will be responsible for measuring the volume of the ball.

Two months later the focus groups report back to the steering committee with their staffing recommendations. After the steering committee reviews the results of the focus groups, they pick their own team leaders to head up the project, now known as the Elastomer Spheroid Volumetric Measurement Project, or ESVMP.

Company wide employee meetings are held to announce the up-coming project, which will start once the team leaders assemble their teams, probably by the beginning of the next quarter.

Once the ESVMP teams are announced more employee meetings are held to announce the project is a go, and that even thought they aren't all part of the project, they are still an important asset to the company.

The project hits a snag when the specifications for the ball change, resulting in two months of wasted work.

After the new specifications are received, the ESVMP team puts in a frantic three months of ten hour days, plus Saturdays, and finishes the project.

Employee meetings are again held to thank the team for their hard work to complete the project, and to announce pending staff reductions needed due to the increasing competition in the ball measurement industry.



From Tom in Canton, O.
New Job Interview Techniques - Submitted by Shailaja Seebaluck-Oolun
====================================================

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche.
If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.
If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.
If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rain forests, Public Relations would suit them well.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.

CONFUSCIOUS SAY

"Passionate kiss like spider's web - soon lead to undoing of fly."
"Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"
"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."
"Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."
"Man with one chopstick go hungry."
"Man trapped in whore house get jerked around."
"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."
"Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
"Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"
"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."
"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."
"Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night."
"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"
"If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."
"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"
"Man who sit on tack get point!"
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement"
"Boy who go to bed with sexual problem wake up with problem in hand"
"People who make Confucius joke speak bad English."
"He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."

got a clean(non-xrated) name or a funny for this area?


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